Kaiser
Lost In The Supermarket
Group: Members
Posts: 176
Joined: June 2003 |
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Posted:
July 23 2003,14:05 |
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Two
men stood on a street corner somewhere in New York, attempting
to hail a cab. The first one was bedecked in an extremely
loud and flamboyant bodysuit of yellow and red, and a
green-with-gold trim (and gold lettering that spelled out
"The Kefkanator" across the back, like a boxing
champion). He had pretty honey blonde hair pulled into a
pigtail in the back and hairsprayed into helmet-like status up
top. And, for whatever reason a feather was sticking out
of his helmet-mane. He was also wearing green eyeshadow
and and pink blush, islands of color in a face submerged in
enough white makeup to create a suitable Michael Jackson
impersonator, if this person desired. (And true, he was
one of the few sick enough to possibly possess such an urge.)
He jumped up and down and shouted loudly, issuing odd
curses and profanities at the cars that buzzed by.
His companion, however, was decidedly less animated. An
old man in a black robe with long white hair and a white
moustach with ludicrously long, drooping white handlebars.
His face was pale and leathery, and he slumped limply
against a post. Saying nothing.
"Damn it, Gesthal! There goes another one!" the
angry clownish looking man shouted. "How are we gonna
get to the conference now?"
The other man, Gesthal, said nothing. In fact, he
didn't seem to react at all.
"What? What'd you say?" he demanded of his
companion. "What did you say to Kefka? You're
what? I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY EXCUSES! Start
helping!"
Gesthal still did nothing. But, as fate would have it, a cab
pulled up. A plain yellow cab.
"Hey mac," the cabbie spoke, "Ya need a
ride?" Ya sick freak, he added under his breath.
Kefka responded by muttering something unintelligible, soon
after which a small meteor fell from the sky, seemingly out of
nowhere, and landed square on the yellow cab, crushing it and
killing the driver instantly.
"Grrr! Stupid Yellow Cabs!" Kefka cursed. "They
CLASH with my cape! What, Gesthal? Yellow makes me
look fat? SHUT UP! That's not true! You son of
a submariner! I hate you! Stop distracting me!
Now... where are those red and green Veteran's cabs?
That's what we need! They GO with my clothes.
Aha! Here's one!"
Kefka used his evil magic to conjure up a cardbord sign that
read "Injured Veteran" in black lettering. Which
was enough to sucker an ill-fated red and green Veteran's Cab
into pulling to a stop.
"Hey, buddy," the hack said. "You call for a Vet
cab?"
"Well duh!" Kefka wailed.
"What war were you in?" the hack asked dubiously,
glancing at Kefka's attire.
"Don't Mock Me! I'll eat your children!" Kefka
threatened. "I...um... had mental trauma. Yeah,
that's the ticket."
"All right, get in" the driver relented.
Kefka opened the door and slid in, dragging Gesthal along
behind him. They both sat down in the back. The cab sped
off.
"Plaza Hotel, and pronto, you worthless piece of Magishite!"
Kefka bellowed. The driver complied.
"Hey, what's that smell?" the driver asked, his nose
sniffing the air. "That's him, ain't it?" he
said, gesturing at Gesthal. "Geez, has he gone a year
without a bath or something? He smells like rotting
meat."
"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!" Kefka shrieked. "C'mon
Gesthal, are you gonna take that from this chump? Be a
man, Gesthal! Grrr, argh. I'm sick of having to
stand up for you. Say what? You're scared? Oh COME
ON, you sissy. You're emperor of the mightiest empire the
world I just blew up had ever known! Oh FINE, allright..."
Kefka rolled his eyes angrily.
"Hey, monkey!" Kefka yelled at the driver.
"Listen, buster, you better treat my friend with a lot more
respect, or I'll get REAL upset. You wouldn't wanna deal
with me when I'm upset."
"Oh, how original," the driver said sarcastically.
"THAT'S IT!" Kefka roared. "Ixtum Nextum
Zamber Zoss, Dr. Kevorkian and Kate Moss, Exiteria Quat
Jurvainus Parisp, burn this idiot to a crisp! FIRE
3!"
Fire shot out of kefka's hand, incinerating the driver and
converting him to a mound of ashes. Which made it rather
difficult to control the steering wheel. The vehicle crashed
into a lamppost. Kefka howled in pain as he was thrown
forward and bumped his head against the driver's head rest.
Gesthal remained stoic and unphased.
"Curses and Phooey! Now *I* have to drive. All
right, Gesthal, here, take the map," Kefka said, throwing a
folded up map of New York into Gesthal's lap. "Gimme
directions."
And with that, Kefka clambered out of the back seat and into
the front seat of the banged up cab. He drove wildly and
sped recklessly down the street.
[[EDIT: Can you figure out what's up with Gesthal?
]]
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"The concept of genius as akin to
madness has been carefully fostered by the inferiority complex
of the masses." - Ezra Pound
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