The Final Fantasy VIII Twelve Days of Christmas
by Crimson 1
Rating: K+

***
 

As we join are lovable Final Fantasy VIII characters, they have all gathered in the ballroom of Balamb Garden, in the hopes of giving Squall some actual Christmas spirit.

Selphie: Welcome everyone! This is Selphie Tilmitt, and I’ve just come up with the perfect way to get Squall into a jolly Christmas mood!

Squall: ......whatever.

Seifer: Can we go now?

Selphie: NO! We can’t leave till we put a holiday smile on Squall’s face!

Zell: You crazy?! This could take all year!

Selphie: No it won’t, I‘ve got just the thing. *pulls out stack of note cards from her back pocket*

Irvine: What are those, Sefie?

Selphie: I wrote a 12 Days of Christmas song, and I’ve got a verse for everyone!

*everyone looks from one person to the other, contemplating routes of escape*

Rinoa: Ehhh.....Selphie.....

Selphie: *ignoring protests as she passes out the cards* Now, everyone take your card, and sing your part when it comes.

Squall: *staring at the card in his hand marked #1* I don’t sing.

Quistis: Come on, Squall, it won’t be so bad. *whispering* ...and it’ll keep us from having to eat that fruit cake she made for later.

Squall: *convinced* Maestro?

*Selphie whips out a huge boom box from behind her back*

Irvine: Where could you possibly have been hiding that?

Selphie: Dimensional pockets. Duh. *hits play* Take it away Squall!

Squall: *unenthusiastically* /On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me, an actual personality/ *realizing what he’s just sang off of the card* Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?!

Selphie: Next!

Rinoa: *with a lovely soprano voice* /On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me, two angel wings/

Squall: I am not participating.

Selphie: Come on Squall, it’ll be fun.

Squall: *darkly* /And an actual personality/

Selphie: Keep it going guys!

Zell: /On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me, three cafeteria hot-dogs/

Seifer: Hah! I ate the last one!

Zell: What!?

Rinoa: /Two angel wings/

Zell: I had that one on reserve! Die Almasy! *charges at Seifer, Seifer whips out Hyperion*

Squall: /And an actual personality/

*As Seifer and Zell fight, Selphie stops the tape, walks over to them, and grabs them each by the ear in mid strike*

Selphie: NO FIGHTING! WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BE MERRY!

Zell: Ow ow ow! I’ll be good, I’ll be good!

Selphie: Seifer?!

Seifer: Damn you messenger girl! Let go of my ear!

Selphie: *tightening her grip and getting right in Seifer’s face* WANT TO SAY THAT AGAIN?!

Seifer: No, Miss Selphie, I’ll behave.

*Selphie lets them go, and frolics back to her boom box*

Selphie: *VERY sweetly* Thank you, boys. Let’s keep going, shall we?

*turns on boom box*

Selphie: Next!

Quistis: /On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, four Trepie members/ Wait, there aren’t really any Trepie members around here are there?

*the sudden sound of stampeding feet echo down the hallway*

Trepie Groupie #1: *from just outside* I think I saw her go into the ballroom!

Quistis: Bar the doors!

Zell: /Three cafeteria hot-dogs/ *glares at Seifer*

Rinoa: /Two angel wings/

Squall: /And an actual personality/

Irvine: *pushing a table against the last door* That should hold ‘em.

Trepies outside: We love you, Instructor Trepe!

Quistis: I hate my life.

Seifer: If I had a fanclub, I’d be grateful.

Quistis: Want them?

Seifer: Uhhh...

Selphie: Let’s just keep going.

Squall: This is stupid.

Selphie: DON’T PUSH ME! *suddenly sweet again* Ok?

Squall: Next!

*everyone stands around quietly, looking at each other to see who’s next*

Selphie: NEXT!

Irvine: Uhh...Selphie...? *hands her notecard*

Selphie: *reading notecard marked: Selphie, #5* Oh yeah, I forgot. *hits play and clears throat. extremely off pitch* /On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, FIVE MEMBERS FOR MY BAND!!!/

Rinoa: Oh, you found people for your band?

Selphie: Sure! Me......and you four! *pointing to Squall, Rinoa, Quistis, and Zell*

Zell: What?! What about Irvine?

Irvine: I’m the manager! /On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, six naughty magazines/

Selphie: /FIVE......./ .......wait a minute. What did you say Irvine?

Quistis: /Four Trepie members/

Trepies from outside: I think she’s talking about us!

Quistis: Oh, God....

Zell: /Three cafeteria hot-dogs/

Rinoa: /Two angel wings/

Squall: *overly annoyed* /And an actual personality/

Selphie: Ok, let’s pick up the pace, Squall’s still not jolly!

Seifer: *in a surprisingly beautiful baritone voice* /On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me, seven romantic dreams/

Irvine: /Six naughty magazines/

Selphie: Irvine, that is not what your card says!

Irvine: Sure it does.

Selphie: Let me see that!

*Irvine takes his card and drops it down his pants*

Irvine: Only if you come and get it!

Selphie: DON’T TEMPT ME, COWBOY! *turns back to the others* /FIVE MEMBERS FOR MY BAND/

Quistis: /Four Trepie members/

Zell: /Three cafeteria hot-dogs/

Rinoa: /Two angel wings/

Squall: Do we have to keep.....

*Selphie glares at him murderously*

Squall: /And an actual personality/

Selphie: Keep it going, everybody!

Raijin: /On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...../

Fuujin: /EIGHT!/

Raijin: /.....names on “the list”/ That was lovely Fuujin, ya know?

Seifer: /Seven romantic dreams/ *whispering to his “posse”* ...add Selphie to “the list”

Irvine: /Six naughty magazines/

Selphie: /FIVE MEMBERS FOR MY BAND/ I’m warning you, Irvine!

Quistis: /Four Trepie members/

Zell: /Three cafeteria hot-dogs/

Rinoa: /Two angel wings/

Squall: /And an actual personality/ We’re almost done with this right?

Selphie: Not till you smile! Go for it, Sir Laguna!

Laguna: /On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, nine red-haired moombas/

Ellone: I didn’t know you sang, Uncle Laguna.

Ward: .........

Kiros: Ward says you suck.

Selphie: DON’T BAD MOUTH SIR LAGUNA!

Fuujin: /EIGHT!/

Raijin: /...names on “the list”/

Seifer: /Seven romantic dreams/

Irvine: /Six naughty magazines/

Selphie: One more time, and I’m cutting off your pony-tail! /FIVE MEMBERS FOR MY BAND/

Quistis: /Four Trepie members/

Zell: /Three cafeteria hot-dogs/

Rinoa: /Two angel wings/

Squall: /And an actual personality/

Selphie: Won’t you even smile a little, Squall?

Squall: I don’t do jolly.

Selphie: Then I guess we keep going!

Cid: /On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, ten new SeeD missions/

Laguna: /Nine red-haired moombas/

Fuujin: /EIGHT!/

Raijin: /...names on “the list”/

Seifer: /Seven romantic dreams/

Irvine: /Six.......naughtymagazines/

Selphie: Someone get me a scissors! /FIVE MEMBERS FOR MY BAND/

Quistis: /Four Trepie members/

Zell: /Three cafeteria hot-dogs/

Rinoa: /Two angel wings/

Squall: I don’t do jolly.

Selphie: *menacingly* There’s more then one thing I can do with a scissors!

Squall: /And an actual personality/

Edea:  Selphie, honey, maybe you’re going about this the wrong way.

Selphie: *Holding scissors with a crazed gleam in her eye* SING!

Edea: /On the eleventh day of Christmas my true gave to me, eleven evil sorceresses/

Rinoa: But Edea’s not evil anymore.

Selphie: I couldn’t think of anything else!

Cid: /Ten new SeeD missions/

Laguna: /Nine red-haired moombas/

Fuujin: /EIGHT!/

Raijin: /...names on “the list”/

Seifer: /Seven romantic dreams/

Irvine: /Six black cowboy hats/

Zell: Cowboy hats?

Irvine: Do you know how long it took me to grow out this hair!

Selphie: Good, Irvy. /FIVE MEMBERS FOR MY BAND/

Quistis: /Four Trepie members/

Zell: /Three cafeteria hot-dogs/

Rinoa: /Two angel wings/

Squall: *yes, even more glum then usual* /And an actual personality/

Selphie: Come on, Squall, this is the last round. You have to smile!

Squall: Make me.

Selphie: *with an evil glare* You don’t learn, do you? *sweetly then, yet in a frightening way* You asked for it! NEXT!

Ultimecia: /One the last day of Kristmas my true love gave to me/ TWELVE SEKONDS TO LIVE, YOU KURSED SEEDS!

Irvine: SELPHIE!!

*a battle ensues with Ultimecia. In the end, she jumps out the window after Selphie tries to decorate her like a Christmas tree*

Selphie: No one has any Christmas spirit! Come on, everybody! Finish the song!

Edea: /Eleven evil sorceresses/

Cid: /Ten new SeeD missions/

Laguna: /Nine red-haired moombas/

Fuujin: /EIGHT!/

Raijin: /...names on “the list”/

Seifer: /Seven romantic dreams/

Irvine: *proudly holding Selphie’s scissors* /Six naughty magazines!/

Selphie: Oh, Irvy, maybe I should tell you what I /was/ going to give you for Christmas.

*Selphie whispers something into Irvine’s ear, and a goofy smile appears on his face*

Selphie: Remember, Irvy, that’s what you /were/ getting. /FIVE MEMBERS FOR MY BAND!/

Irvine: Can’t we talk about this, Sefie?

Quistis: /Four Trepie members/

Zell: /Three cafeteria hot-dogs/

Rinoa: /Two angel wings/

Squall: *here’s the miracle everyone, he’s got a huge smile* /AND AN ACTUAL PERSONALITY!/

Selphie: YAY! It worked! You’re smiling! I knew the song would give you some Christmas spirit!

Squall: It sure did, Selphie. And you know what? I figured out exactly what I’m going to give you for Christmas.

*Selphie doesn’t seem to notice that Squall has his hands behind his back*

Selphie: Did the song inspire you?

Squall: Yep. Ultimecia gave me the perfect idea......

*Squall’s whips out his gunblade, and precedes to chase Selphie around the ballroom. Surprisingly, no one moves to help her*

Selphie: Well, that’s all we have time for today! See you all next time! And....

EVERYONE: MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!


*****
Author's Note: That was fun. A little early, and kinda corny, but I got the urge. I’m still working on my serious fic, but I had to do something fun. Hope you enjoyed, please read and review.