Grandia Tales
by Axenblade
Rated: T
Gabomon007@hotmail.com

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Tale #1 - Justin Goes to Court

The story starts with Justin at his house. It has pink curtains and a bath.

Justin: Oh lovely.

Justin began to have a bath.

Justin: ::undresses and puts one toe in the bath::

Then he was arrested.

Justin: WTF!? ::as grandia’s variation of S.W.A.T. just suddenly surround him::

Swat One: You’re under arrest for indecent exposure!!

Justin: What the- This is my house!!

Swat One: No sir, this is an interior designer shops front window.

The camera pans right in front of Justin to show a group of mortified window shoppers.

Small child: Mummy, can I have one of those?

Mummy: Maybe when you’re older and have plastic surgery... but even then it’s doubtful...

Justin: Can we just go?

In Jail...

Justin: Man that was fast.

Rapp: Justin we’re very proud of you

Justin: You are?

Rapp: Of course!! No of us would have been daring enough to proclaim that Nudism is ok by exhibiting themselves in an uptown girl....she’s been living in an uptown world...

Liete: Woah-oh.

Rapp: Still in tune I dunno the rest of the words...

Liete: Woah-oh.

Justin: Guys. Focus.

Rapp: Hmm...? Oh yeah!! ::has an annoyingly peppy attitude:: Well thanks to you, our nudity campaign is finally underway!! No longer shall we be censored, no longer shall we have the shackles of sleeves and trouser and...uh...actual literal shackles upon us!! We shall fly and be free in our nakedness!!

Liete: Naked flying is not recommended Rapp dear... I mean what if there were people below just aimlessly firing heavy artillery into the sky?

Out the cell window General Baal can be seen firing a very large cannon into the sky. Seconds later, some naked guy falls to the ground.

Baal: Haahahaha!! Gaia Lord, Lord Gaia, Liar Gourd, Gourd Liar!! ::laughs crazily::

Rapp: Well we better be going... Seeya in court Justin! ::skips out, Liete follows him::

Justin: ............ ::comes to a realization:: Oh my gosh they were stalkers... And Baal has a cannon...

Rapp: Yes... Baal is becoming quite a problem to our “naked bird” festivals.

Justin: What- When did you get back here!?

Rapp: Forgot my hat ::puts on bowler hat over his head gear:: Toodle ooh! ::skips off once again::

Justin: ::sighs exasperatedly:: Let’s just get to court...

At Court...

Justin: ::Now tied to a chair with dental floss:: Well this is working fabulously... I wonder... ::sighs:: Can I just go home now? ::waits expectantly:: .............It was worth a shot...

Guido: ::dressed as a bottle of alcohol:: All-a rise up for Judge-a Gadwin!!

Gadwin: Thank you Baileys. ::is dressed exactly as he normally does just wearing a judges curly wig over his helmet, bangs gavel:: Let’s get straight to the point. ::bangs gavel:: Justin, for the jury, cos I can see the fact perfectly well from up here... ::bangs gavel:: ‘cos it’s high and the chair is springing...ooh... ::giggles and bounces up and down on the chair slightly, then returns to his ‘duty’. Bangs his gavel:: Are you indeed stalkers?

Justin: ::Comes to another realization:: Oh my gosh they are stalkers!

Feena: ::from Jury:: Can we sit down yet?

Gadwin: No. ::bangs gavel::

Guido: Will you stop-a banging that gavel?!

Gadwin: ...No. ::bangs gavel several times then uses as a propeller as he pretends to be a helicopter:: Now... on with the trial!!

Sue: I am Sue, Justin’s attorney, and I call... WETSY BETSY to the STAND!!!

Justin: You cannot be serious...

Gadwin: ::already swearing in Betsy:: Betsy, do you swear to tell the truth/the whole truth/nothing but the truth so help you? ::hands over pen and paper to Betsy:: Sign chosen God’s name on the dotted line. ::hits gavel several times, mostly on the paper and the dolls head::

Sue: Badgering the witness!!

Gadwin: Be quiet! ::Hits gavel on helmet and it makes a pinging noise:: One-hundred-n-eighty!!

Justin: It’s a peeing doll!! It’s not going to say anything of great importance, if anything at all!!

Betsy: ::does nothing::

Gadwin: Shhh!! Let’s hear what the manikin has to say!! ::bangs gavel::

Sue: So... where were you when Justin was supposedly committing this crime?

Betsy: ...........................

Sue: The defense rests ::looks triumphant::

Gadwin: Ok... Prostitution-

Sue: That’s ‘‘Prosecution’’ Gadwin...

Gadwin: Whatever. ::bangs gavel::

Guido: Stop that. ::takes gavel away from Gadwin::

Gadwin: ::pouts and tears well in his eyes:: Remember what momma said... “Big boys don’t cry”... that and “wash your whites and underpants on 40, then you don’t get the creases like the ones in my a...”

Baal: GAIA!! ::jumps into the court with Mullen strapped on his back:: Don’t move, or my son will explode!!!

Mullen: ::belches::

Baal: Too late!! ::ducks for cover::

Mullen: ::kicks his legs weakly::

Gadwin: ::takes this diversion time to grab the gavel from Guido and bang it several times, then twirl it in his fingers and call himself Sailor Moon::

Guido: ::can’t really move dressed like a bottle of Baileys so just sits there eating something that looks like an eyeball::

Gadwin: Are you eating eyeballs?

Guido: Yes.

Gadwin: Can I have one?

Guido: ....Yes...

Pakon: Halt!! You’re all under arrest!!

Sue: On what offence!?!

Gadwin: ::banging helmet with gavel:: We’re on a fence?

Pakon: This trial is a shambles... that man isn’t a real judge!! ::looks to Guido:: And you are not a real vicar!

Guido: It’s-a true!!! ::cries into his hands::

Feena: Pakon, if you let me go... I’ll go on a date with you... I promise... ::looks sick as she says this::

Pakon: I’m sorry Feena, but there’s a new woman in my life now! ::licks police badge::

Feena: O_o

Pakon: Now!! You’re all going to jail for 12 years!!

Gadwin: I am so sad... wait... 12?

Pakon: 12.

Sue: 12?

Pakon: It’s a funny number isn’t it?

Baal: I like BEANS!!

Pakon: Now... since we only have one cell in the jail, we’re gonna have to cram you all in and-

Justin: Screw that!! ::jumps out of a window still tied to his chair::

And Justin escaped from court, the end...

EPILOGOUE

Justin hasn’t had a bath since the incident.

Gadwin married the gavel and they had 12 of the ugliest children you’ve ever seen.

Rapp and Liete are big proprietors in the nudity circuit, selling invisible clothes.

Sue is now a licensed lawyer and lives with Feena.

Feena wasn’t really in this at all but she married a turtle.

Leen wasn’t in this at all and is doing very well for herself. She is married to Rapp.

Mullen got drunk on coffee and died.

Baal got the Nobel peace prize for farting at the awards ceremony.

Guido never managed to get out of the suit, but is now the poster boy for the liquor industry.

Pakon married the cell and spends every night licking his badge.

Wetsy Betsy was shot from the grassy knoll in 1982 by a registered sniper (Lily the Skull).

Java made a world famous brand of coffee.

And Darlin just wet himself. He was very pleased. Milda, on the other hand was not...

THE END