In the Inn
by Alan Bates
Rated: K+

***

Author's Note: Welcome back boys, girls, and whoever else happens to be reading this! Because you demanded it, Alan Bates (who the money grubbing lawyers would like me to point out doesn't own any of these characters) is proud to present the next exiting volume in the now classic "In the INN series"!!! (yeah I said classic. Someone in one of my reviews said one of them was a classic.)

(Inserts Applause here)

Hey nobody inserted the applause. I'm sad now........oh well, on to the story.

By the way I'd like to say I'm sorry that this latest installment of the "in the INN" stories took so long. I’m also sorry that at least half the characters in this story talk with strange accents and are hard to read. That wasn’t my fault. NOW onto the story. Seriously this time.

***

(Serge, Razzly, and Korcha walk into an Inn.)

Serge: Hey, me and my friends need a place to sleep for the night. How many beds do you have here?

Inn Keeper: How many people are in your party sir?

Serge: (Holds out his hands and starts counting on his fingers.) One...two...three....four...five...six... (Korcha pushes Serge out of the way)

Razzly: That was mean.

Korcha: We got close ta' fifty. Some'in like that.

Inn Keeper: We have six beds. Total.

Serge: Never mind then. (the trio walk out of the town back to the hillside where the rest of the group is waiting.)

Van: What's the word?

Doc: Yeah, Tell us dude.

Serge: Bad news....

Zappa: They didna' have anything again did they?

Razzly: No siree, they didn't.

Kid: Argghhh! Come on here people. We have enough guys here to conquer the town and sleep wherever we want! You can't tell me that...

Norris: We already put that idea to a vote last time. Only you and the Dragoons voted for that.

Pierre: Besides mon'ami. I am a lover, not a fighter.

Orlha: Not to sure about the lover part, but you definitely aren't a fighter.

Pierre: You wound me.

Karsh: Obviously she didn’t wound you enough. You’ll still talking.

Serge: People lets get back to the point here.

Kid: No problem. The point is I'm tired and need my sleep.

Nikki: I agree.

Riddel: a lady does need her beauty sleep

Zoah: AGREED

Locke: I'm sleepy too. (Locke looks around.) I'm not supposed to be here am I?

Serge: Don' think so.

Locke: eh sorry. (he leaves)

Steena: What a peculiar man. Any idea who he was?

Neofio: nope

Mikki: What about sleeping on the ship again?

Nikki: Who's ship?

Fargo: Yer not bringing all these lubbers back aboard the Invincible again, matey.

Serge: How many times am I going to have to apologize for that? I had no clue that many people would get sea sick.

Fargo: keep appologizin' an' I may think about forgivin' ya' in a couple o’ years.

Mikki: Okay. No ship then.

Guile: Seems most logical

Viper: Nor are ye' staying at the manor again.

Korcha: Musta' misted that one. What happened.

Sneff: Nothink.

Viper: I dinna call that nothing.

Karsh: Truly. You people acted like you've never been in a mansion before.

Doc: Dude, with a pad like that, how can you expect us not to party?

Karsh: The staff are still cleaning the place.

Razzly: Tee hee, but it was so fairy fun fun!

Viper: It was three nights ago we stayed there.

Orcha: So we aren't staying at the ship or the manor. What'cha have in mind?

Serge: Couple more ideas...let's go to the other world.

Orlha: The "other" world or the other “other world“?

Glenn: Which world are we in now?

Starky: Sensors indicate that....

Grobyc: SENSORS INDICATE ....

Starky: Stop copying me!

Janice: I think we're on Serge's world.

Turnip: Which would that be, bud? The one he conquered or the one he's from?

Doc: I am SO lost right now.

Serge: Don't worry about too much. Anyway, let's make sure we haven't forgot anybody. (Serge pulls out a piece of paper and starts reading the role call) Pip?

Pip: Here

Serge: Orlha?

Orlha: Yeah?

Serge: Just doing role call.

Orlha: Sorry...

Serge: No prob. Pierre?

Pierre: Oui.

Serge: Grobyc?

Brobyc: PRESENT.

Serge: Doc?

Doc: Yuh.

Serge: Steena?

Steena: Yes. I am here.

Serge: Sneff.

Sneff: Preseneth.

Serge: Van?

Van: Unfortunately.

Serge: Leah?

Leah: Me am here!

Serge: Thanks. By the way, your language skills seem to be improving. Mel?

Mel: Yup.

Serge: Funguy?

Funguy: Right here.

Serge: Skelly?

Skelly: In the flesh, as it were.

Serge: Greco?

Greco: Si.

Serge: Neofio?

Neofio: Here.

Serge: Moe?

Korcha: (disguising his voice) Here.

Serge: Larry?

Skelly: (disguising his voice) Here.

Serge: Curly?

Van: (whispering to Skelly and Korcha) I'm not doing this.

Serge: Curly?

Van: This is no Curly, nor is there a Larry or a Moe.

Korcha: Party pooper/

Serge: Turnip?

Turnip: Here, bud.

Serge: Mojo?

Mojo: Here

Serge: Sprigg?

Sprigg: Yeah, what do ya' want?

Serge: Starky?

Starky: Affirmative.

Serge: Draggy?

Draggy: Yess sir.

Serge: Jancice?

Jancie: Yo.

Serge: Harle?

Harle: But of course moi is here.

Serge: Guile?

Guile: Perhaps I am here. Or perhaps this is just another illusion.

Leena: That guy creeps me out some times.

Korcha: Can't cha' just skip al this?

Serge: Remember what happened last time we didn't do a role call?

Korcha: Good point.

Miki: I don't remember that one...

Norris: Me, Macha, and Pip got left in the Divine dragon falls in that other reality.

Serge: Anyway, how about Glenn

Glenn: Here.

Serge: Macha?

Macha: Here.

Fargo: Before ya' ask, matey. I'm here so's Irenes.

Serge: Orcha?

Orcha: Gotcha'

Serge: Zappa?

Zappa: Aye, lad.

Serge: Razzly, Korcha, Kid...already know you're here.

Poshul: Me are presenth.

Luccia: As am I.

Serge: List, people, list. We gotta keep track don't just call out your names. (Serge frantically scans up and down the lit for the people that have just called out.) The Viper Manor crew?

Viper: Me an' my daughter are here

Karsh: As are Radius and the Dragoons.

Norris: And me!

Serge: Magus?

Guile: Presen....damn you..

Serge: Just checking. Guess that's everybody.

Woman in tight black skirt: You forgot to call me.

Serge: I don't remember you.

Fargo: I don' remeber half these people.

Leena: Yeah you remember, she joined us that time the guy with the red cape and metal claw joined. Same time that big guy with the gun-for-a-hand joined.

Serge: I know I didn't recruit anybody like that.

Kid: Were you following the wrong group again Leena?

Leena: …

Kid: Well, where ya’?

Leena: I can't keep track of all thee people! How am I supposed to know which people to follow!?!

Woman in tight black skirt: Sorry about any confusion. Hey, have you seen a friend of mine around here anywhere? Looks kinda' like him (she points to Norris) except with his (she points to Glenn) hair style or one like it anyway.

Serge: Sorry.

Woman in tight black skirt: No prob. (she walks off.)

Serge: And that's another reason I have a role call. I hate it when that stuff happens.

***

(The party goes over to Opassa Beach and crosses over to whatever world they weren't currently in. From there they head to the inn in Termina.)

Serge: Me and my friends...

Grobyc: I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND.

Serge: Me and my companions need the inn for the night.

Inkeeper: Alright. How many beds will that be?

Serge: Afraid you don't get it…. We need the WHOLE inn.

Inkeeper: Okay we have three room...

Kid: Still not getting it. Entire place. All the rooms, hallways, broom closet, bathrooms everything.

Innkeeper: I'm afraid I can't...(Lord Viper steps forward)

Viper: Price is no object.

Innkeeper: Yes sir, Lord Viper. The keychain is in the desk drawer.

Zoah: NOW LEAVE.

Innkeeper: Yessir! (he jumps over the desk and squeezes out the door)

Viper: I already claim the bed.

Radius: You know that isn't the way things work. We've all agreed Serge to be the leader. It would be his call now.

Orlha: Yeah hurry up. I needs my beauty sleep.

Karsh: I'm not touching that one.

Orlha: You're not doing anything that involves you, me, and touching. Got it? (Karsh crosses his arms and acts his normal bad attitude self. Everyone ignores him.)

Serge: Okay. I need the guys over here, girls over there, kids here, things of indiscriminate gender there.

Leena: Serge, I'm sure everyone knows what gender they are.

Serge: I sure can't keep track.

Harle: If you care, I have no problems showing voi'.

Fargo: HAR HAR gof or it, matey!

Leena: Cut that out!

Serge: Come on guys, split up into the groups so I can figure who sleeps where.

(Everyone split over to different sides of the group based on age and gender.)

Korcha: (turns to Nikki) Don't cha think you'r on the wrong side

Nikki: If you don't like me, please look for another reason besides my beauty. Inside we are al....

Fargo: Yer a damned Weenie, son.

Skelly: What about us that don't need sleep?

Serge: Always forget about that...

Mojo: Yeah man, what about?

Irenes: Only makes sense to me that you can stand watch.

Straky: And those of us that don't need normal human hours of sleep?

Sprigg: Kid raises a good ol' point

Leah: Me so confused now.

Van: You aren't the only one.

Serge: Listen if you need sleep, then by all means sleep. If you don't need or want sleep then don't.

Steena: Wise choice.

Guile: Oh please. Is someone playing little miss Suck-up mage?

Karsh: Zip it, pal.

Serge: Grobyc, plan S.

Grobyc: (lots of various weapons emerge from his arms and other assorted body parts.) EVERYONE IN THIS ROOM QUIET NOW (everyone shuts up.)

Pip: How wude.

Grobyc: (sounds of guns arming themselves) EVERYONE.

Serge: Now then, I need some one to get over to the shop and get as many sleeping bags as you can carry.

Glen: I got it.

Greco: Me too amigo.

Draggy: And me!

Kid: Maybe not you. You're a bit on the small side.

Draggy: Owh, no fair.

Leah: Me go. Me strong.

Riddel: Actually I had another idea for you.

Sneff: Bee-Ay-Tee-Aye-ch. Rigth? (Riddel nods her head yes and then holds her nose for a quick second. Leah looks up to see what was going on but doesn't catch it in time)

Leah: What going on?

Serge: Never mind it, Leah. Zoah, you go with them to help get sleeping bags.

Karsh: And hurry up. (the trio leaves)

Riddel: And the others ladies and myself shall take the time to refresh ourselves before turning in. (the women all head off in the direction of the bathroom)

Sneff: Ever notith that girlth all go o the bathroom at the same time?

Orlha: (sticks her head out the bathroom door) Whatever you were going to say next, don't.

Kid: (sticks her head out the door as well) Or we'll...

Norris: Yes we know, ma'am. You'll kick our arses to the moons.

Draggy: Something like that anyways.

Kid: Humph. Maybe I was going to say something different.

Serge: You weren't. I know you good enough by now.

Kid: Yeah. Maybe you do. (Kid and Orhla both duck back inside.)

Grobyc: SOMETHING DOES NOT COMPUTE.

Serge: And that is...?

Grobyc: HOW DO THEY ALL FIT IN THAT ROOM?

Funguy: No clue. You know what? I'm not even sure I need sleep or not, being a vegetable and such.

Turnip: I sleep. When I feel like it. Not sure how long I can do with out. I don't sleep everyday.

Orcha: So......anbyone heard any good jokes latley?

(half an hour later)

(Glenn, Zoah, and Greco return with their arms loaded with sleeping bags)

Glenn: 'back. You miss us?

Karsh: Not really.

Radius: Are you always so negative. Don't you realize that isn't good on you in the long run.

Karsh: I'm sorry sir.

Orcha: Now was that so hard.acha

Karsh: Shut up.

Doc: Dude. (chuckles) Guess some people are just the way they are.

Radius: Wise words for one of your age.

Funguy: Wise words from him? Wow. Doesn't that beat all?

Pip: You would be sweeprised by what some peeple are cabable of.

Pierre: Truly, mon ami. We all are quite capable of great wisdom an, how you say, great feats of strength as well.

Van: Except for you.

Mojo: He's certainly gotcha there.

Serge: (turns to Glenn) So how many sleeping bags did you get anyway?

Glenn: Forty or so. I always forget how many people we here.

Serge: So do I, that's why I use the checklist.

Zoah: I REMEMBERED.

Serge: Good for you, Zoah.

Zoah: JUST BECAUSE I'M LOUD DOESN'T MEAN I'M DUMB.

Serge: Eh, sorry

Zoah: MANY PEOPLE MAKE THAT MISTAKE. IT GETS OLD.

Skelly: Yeah and just because I'm dead, people think that I'm....I'm....I'm sure I had a point here.

Van: I'm sure you did. If you remember it, make sure you don't tell me.

(after an hours of inane banter later the women come back out of the restroom)

Mel: Done!

Sneff: Bouth time

Serge: Let's not get this stuff started again.

Funguy: Are we going to get to sleep sometimes tonight?

Marcy: Yeah, who do I have to kill to get a place to nap. It's almost past my bedtime.

Serge: Okay let me think for a minute here....

Kid: Hurry up mate! We still got a ‘ot to do tomorrow.

Poshul: Like whath? Me am usually leth out of the quehting.

Mel: i know the feeling.

Pip: Me twoo

Serge: Okay, when I call your name go to where ever I say when I call you name and tell you where to go, okay?

Skelly: Huh?

Neofio: Who?

Doc: Why?

Janice: What?

Leena: Whatever.

Squall: That's my line. (he looks around.) Whoa sorry. Wrong group. (he leaves)

Luccia: Dat is 'xactly why I suggestid name tags.

Poshul: And where am me supoth to wear a name tagth?

Korcha: Drop it.

Riddel: Could we please go to sleep now.

Serge: 'kay. First of all, anyone who doesn't need to sleep can go outside and take turns standing guard.

Pip: What aw we guawding against?

Irenes: You know the drill, dragons, Solt and Peppor, rival armies, strange alternate versions of ourselves,
dwarfs, ....

Pierre: Beach Bums

Harle: Vuo are kidding moui, correct?

Pierre: it's just that they really creep me out......I mean, it is just that they, how you say, de creep moui excessively.

Janice: Give it up. You're not fooling anyone

Pierre: I do not have the slihtest idea of what thou speakith.

Fargo: Now ya’ using the wrong accent, ya lousey lubber.

Pierre: Please leave me be.

Orcha: Not a prob.

Serge: Rooms people, don't you want your rooms?

Leah: Me want room!

Skelly: Well us non-sleepers will see you all in the mourning.

(Skelly, Mojo, and Grobyc all walk outside)

Serge: That did not sound right... Okay first the kids.

Van: Define 'kids'.

Kid: You're one of them, you stuck up little brat.

Marcy: Heh heh you told him.

Starky: Is designate 'Kid' considered 'a kid'? I'm afraid I do not understand.

Kid: Nah. That's just what everbody's called me since I was a little 'un.

Serge: Van, Leah, Mel, Korcha....

Korcha: I ain't no kid.

Karsh: Shaddup. You're sleeping with them.

Kid: As you were saying.

Serge: As I was saying (he gives Kid a funny look)

Kid: I knew you would say that, buddy.

Serge: Moving right along. Marcy, Razzly, Neofio, Turnip, Pip, Starky, and Norris.

Leena: Hold up....Norris?

Serge: Somebody has to keep an eye on the kids for us. Keep them out of trouble.

Leah: Me no understand why Norris?

Pip: Buth why him?

Serge: Would you prefer, oh let's say...Skelly?

Razzly: No! He'd give me nighty-mares.

Serge: Okay then just go to bed.

Korcha: But I ain't sleepy.

Serge: Fine then just go to your room. You don't have to sleep.

Razzly: Nightie night.

(Group 1 goes to their room)

Serge: Okay ladies next.

Doc: This I think is the part where Karsh says something like "what ladies" or "not all of these are ladies" or somthin'

Zoah: CUT HIM SOME SLACK.

Doc: What, can't he speak up for himself or anything. Dish it out but not take it right? Nothing to say there? (Karsh starts sharpening his axe) Ummm, never mind.

Serge: Okay. I'm trying to divide this up by age let the younger girls sleep in one room and the older in another.

Riddel: I have no problems with that.

Macha: I'm not sure I like you sayin' who be older.

Janice: Face it, woman. You're up there.

Macha: You wan' to be steppin' closer over here an' say dat?

Janice: You're on!

Serge: Greco.

Greco: (to Serge) Si. (stepping between Janice and Macha) Do either of yo chicas care to step up to ME and say that?

Janice: Forget it. She ain't worth it...

Macha: Hmph.

Serge: Okay now Kid...

Kid: Yeah, whut's up, mate?

Serge: Room.

Kid: Gotcha'

Steena: Maybe it would be best if you forget the age requirements

Serge: Probably best, you're right.

Orlha: Ain't she always?

Serge: You and Riddel, Luccia, Miki, Leena, Macha, Harle, Janice....you get the second room. Any problems?...Wait forget I asked that. Just go.

Harle: Dream a dream of moi, mon Serge!

Leena: (mumbling) God I hate her. (the second group goes to their room)

Serge: Okay the rest of you ladies get the third room. (they all leave)

Pierre: And where are oui, supposed to sleep? All ze beds have been taken.

Karsh: Weren't you paying attention? Serge said all rest of the 'ladies' get to sleep in the third room.

Zappa: Let's not be startin' this again.

Glenn: Don't you do anything other than argue and rag on people anymore, Karsh?

Karsh: Am I really that bad off?

Zoah: YES.

Serge: Anyway, the rest of us take sleeping bags in either the bathroom or the hallway here.

Nikki: Sleeping bags? I've slept in worse.

Sneff: I realy neeth a bed though. I goth a bad back.

Radius: One night isn't going to kill you. You don't see anyone else objecting do you? Let the women have their privacy.

Doc: Old dude's right. Let 'em.

Funguy: So now, who's where?

Serge: Preferences anyone?

Viper: I would prefer ta' have me own bed, but ...well...ladies first.

Guile: How noble of you.

Zoah: I PREFER THE BATHROOM. LESS CHANCE OF SOMEONE WALKING ALL OVER YOU THERE.

Karsh: Gotta keep the team together.

Radius: Guess that means me too.

Glenn: I'm not part of the team but...I'm with you guys.

Viper: I'm not sleeping in the bathroom. I have limits to how much comfort and style I'm willing to give.

Serge: Suit yourself. You can sleep in the hallway. Okay now...(YAWN)

(Serge looks at the remaining people left standing in the hallway)

Serge: To hell with it. Just pick a place to sleep and sleep there. I really don’t care. I’m tired.

(some of the people start walking toward the hall, some for the bathroom. Serge grabs Pierre by the shoulders before he can go anywhere.)

Serge: Pierre, you have to sleep with the guys. Leave the women alone.

Pierre: What ever do you mean mon dieu?

Serge: Can it.

Pierre: Oui.

***

(meanwhile inside the First Room)

Janice: Okay, three beds and ummm more of us than that. So what’s te deal? Anybody going to take command here?

Harle: Of course that would be moi.

Macha: Huh?

Kid: Who put you in charge?

Harle: I t’ougt it would be most obvious, since Monsieur Sergey likes moi ze most.

Kid: Uh-uh...

Leena: He likes me more! I should be in charge….I just don’t want to be.

Kid: Good cuz you ain’t, and I wouldn’t listen to ya’ if you were.

Harle: For once I agree with you.

Mikki: Listen, this is rocking in all, like some kinda tripped out slumber party, but let's get to the sleeping part. You got me there, don’t ya’?

Janice: I’m there for you.

Luccia: Yew’re arguments are getting us novere. Lest uz sleep.

Macha: ‘kay what we got ere?

Luccia: Three beds, ten individuals. Sat vorks out to three vomen per bed and von extra.

Leena: Teachers pet.

Harle: She iz a teacher you dope.

Kid: No body wants to listen to you. Now shut up for I …

Janice: Don’t say it. We’re all getting tired of you saying that. Talking about kicking peoples arses to the moons all the time.

Macha: You tell her.

Luccia: Ja.

Miki: Now let’s get to the sleeping part.

Macha: ‘KAY! Listen up everybody!

Riddel: (peering out for beneath the cover where she ad already gone to sleep) …Whaat…?  I'm tryin’ to sleep…

Kid: What append to all your fancy talking?

Leena: Lady Riddel, get up for a moment, we’re trying to decide were we should all sleep tonight.

Luccia: Not a problem. I hov already thought it out based von body mass and...

Macha: Shaddup with yer explainin. Just get to it.

Harle: When did she take charge? What happened to vous being in charge?

Macha: I got no clue who’s in charge. And I don’ care. So shuudap and let’s get some sleep here.

Janice: Now that’s rude.

Macha: No doubt you’ll be a hearing much worse ‘en that before the nights done.

Miki: You are probably right.

Luccia: Has enybody notized that dere are twize as many vomen in dis room tan ze other?

Kid: Shut up and get at sleep

Macha: Okay now here it goes. Me and Miki bunking together.

Miki: No prob...

Macha: Harle, Janice, and Kid ‘ave the second bed.

Janice: No worries there.

Harle: I vould prefer otherwise but, beggerz as they zay, cannot be chooserz

Kid: What? Forget that! We ain’t all fitting into one bed ‘ere

Janice: Fine fine. I’ll probably get a better rest on the floor tan wit these two anyway.

Kid: Sorry ‘bout tat mate.

Janice: ‘s’okay.

Leena: Guess that means me, the doctor and sleeping beauty (she points to lady Riddel who has fallen asleep again) have the other bed

Luccia: ja’ dat is correct.

Janice: Anybody else have a feeling that something’ wrong is going to happen.

Kid: When ‘as anything gone right with this group o’ yahoos?

Janice: Point taken.

Riddel: ZZZZZZZZZ……ZZ (SNORT) ZZZZ….ZZZ…..ZZ….ZZZZZZZ (SNORT)

Leena: Great. She snores.

***

IN ANOTHER ROOM

Irenes: Hmmm, not too bad.

Orlha: Yeah, I kinda suspected, you know, something bad here.

Sprigg: We’re still short one o’ the beds.

Steena: I imagine the other rooms have it much worse.

Irenes: I almost guarantee it.

Sprigg: well who's splittin' a bed?

Orlha: Maybe you should. I mean you ARE the smallest one of us.

Sprigg: Forget it honey.

Steena: Orlha and I will share a bed.

Orlha: What?

Irenes: Just go with it.

Orlha: Fine. Okay. But I want you all to know that I’m not happy about any of this.

***

MEANWHILE STILL SOMEWHERE ELSE...

Norris: Okay kids…

Korcha: Who ya’ callin’ kids? Huh?

Van: He means you, you immature little…

Mel: He's takin’ about you too.

Van: Humph.

Korcha: What’s a matta’? Dish it out but cha’ can’t take it?

Norris: Enough, okay? Settle down.

Korcha: He started it.

Marcy: If you don’t cut that out, I’m going to kill all of you.

Razzly: That wouldn’t be fairy nice.

Neofio: Can we cut it out with the fairy jokes, bud?

Pip: Wike you’wer any better with yew’re fwower comments.

Turnip: Watch it with the plant comments.

Leah: Me just not understand any of this. Why plants talk? Plant usually used for eating.

Mel: That's just wrong Leah. You can’t eat them. They’re our friends.

Van: Not all...

Norris: (to himself) Relax. They‘re just kids. You can‘t shoot them Norris...

Starky: Aren’t we all supposed to be slumbering at this time now?

Norris: Yeah something like that.

Starky: Affirmative (he levitates into the air and goes to sleep floating.)

Norris: Why can’t the rest of you be reasonable like that?

Marcy: Hey! I just thought of something! I outrank you!

Van: But Serge put him in charge.

Korcha: Das right my ol’ bud said Norris was the big guy in the room. And of course, I’m the second oldest so…

Mel: Give it up.

Leah: What he giving up?

Pip: It’s a figuwe of speech.

Leah: Speech has figure?

Norris: Never mind.

Razzly: Can we sleep now?

Norris: Yeah. Okay. So we only have three beds…

Marcy: That’s so stupid! Why don’t inns have more beds than this?

Norris: I always wondered the same thing. We were lucky enough to find one with three rooms, so…

Van: Yeah, I agree the plan for this establishment leaves much to be desired.

Korcha; Stop jabberin’ like yer big stuff.

Leah: He only as big as you.

Norris: Okay. Cut this out. Now.

Van: Compared to some one like you, I certainly am big stuff.

Mel: Hey you watch who you’re talking to.

Turnip: Yeah! Tell him!

Norris: I...said...cut…this…out! (still nobody listens. Norris takes out his gun and fires into the ceiling. Everyone stops and stares at him with most of them cringing slightly.) Now listen… …these are the beds you are going to sleep in…

***

(in the bathroom)

Glenn: (climbing into his sleeping bag) Goodnight everybody.

Zoah: GOODNIGHT.

Funguy: Could you please not yell? I’m trying to sleep.

Zoah: I’M NOT YELLING.

Karsh: It’s his helmet. It echoes.

Greco: That is why I wear cloth, senior.

Orcha: ‘sit just me or does it smell in here?

Zappa: We‘re in a bat’room

Radius: Try not to think about it much, imagine someplace more refreshing, cleanse your mind...

Orcha: Gotcha’

Nikki: (to himself.) Ahhhh memories……wait come to think of it, I can only remember WAKING up in the bathroom.

Radius: Probably not something you should have shared.

Nikki: Oh sorry. I didn’t think anyone could hear that.

Karsh: Deaf from playing your crap music so loud?

Zoah: CUT IT OUT. I LIKE HIS MUSIC.

Karsh: To each his own.

Radius: We all have a big day tomorrow. Let’s try to get some sleep. (they all crawl into their sleeping bags. Zoah pulls his over his head and when he’s sure he’s out of sight, he also removes his helmet.)

Draggy: Goodnight everybody.

Karsh: Why’s THAT in here with us.

Radius: Hush.

Karsh: Yes sir

***

(in the hallway)

Sneff: (patting his sleeping bag which is lying on the floor) Not to too bad.

Doc: You’ll live, old dude. I‘ll make sure of that one.

Guile: I could say something here, but I’ll decline respectively.

Sneff: Why am I noth softhearted?

Serge: Can it. Let’s just get some sleep. Do we have to go through this kind of stuff every night.

Doc: Pretty much dude, yeah… ...Kidding...

Guile: I do not know about anybody else but I am ready to retre to the realms or Morphues.

Fargo: What’s that, lubber talkin’ about?

Serge: He says, let’s sleep. Everybody up for that?

Viper: Aye.

Fargo: Aye. (they look at each other funny)

Serge: Good.

Doc: G’night.

Poshul: guth night.

Serge: ‘Night.

Pierre: Good night, mon ami.

Doc: G’night, wussy dude.

Serge: Whatever you’re about to say, Pierre…don’t

Pierre: Mais oui...

Doc: Yeah whatever...

***

(outside)

Mojo: So, who’s up for something tonight? Paint the town red or such?

Grobyc: I DO NOT WANT TO DO ANYTHING WITH YOU BEINGS.

Skelly: That ain't no way to act. Still…we are supposed to stay here.

Mojo: That sucks. At lest the rest of them get to sleep.

Grobyc: I AM NOT SURE THEY WILL.

Mojo: Huh?

Skelly: Oh….I get you.

Mojo: Care to fill me in?

Skelly: You want me to, or…?

Grobyc: YOU.

Skelly: Okay, we have a lot of people here with vastly different ...um…stuff trying to sleep under one roof……

8:00 P.M.

(Mel comes running through the hallway and steps on Fargo’s hand)

Mel: Serge! Serge! Norris is trying to make me sleep with the smelly cave girl and the mean psycho girl and he was shooting into the ceiling and…

Fargo: Is that any reason to be stepping on my hand. Liddle girlie?

Serge: Whoa, calm down.

(Norris enters)

Norris: There you are. Sorry about this, Serge.

Serge: Whatever, just let me sleep.

Fargo: An’ don’ be firing yer pistol where kids are present

Norris: Sorry. (Norris leads Mel back out)

Serge: (sighs) And now it starts…

***

8:15 P.M.

Zappa: Dimmit! I can nay sleep wit’ that smell!

Orcha: Thought it didn’ta bother ya’?

Zappa: Not that smell….THAT smell. (he points to the sleeping Funguy)

Orcha: Well what’cha going a’ do?

Zappa: I dimma’ know. …..wait. (he goes over and shakes Funguy until the mushroom man wakes up.)

Funguy: Whut? Whatut’s up?

Zappa: We’re having guards take turn sittin’ up wit’ the people outside. Yer shift’s first. Wake up Norris in ‘bout an hour.

Funguy: That doesn’t make sense. Why should we need to have someone stay up with them?

Zappa: Serge’s orders.

Funguy: Fine. (he gets up and walks outside.)

***

8:19 P.M.

Mojo: Hey! Come to join in the party?

Funguy: No… Segre sent me out here to help you stand guard.

Skelly: The more the merrier. Not like laughing boy over there. (he points to Grobyc)

Grobyc: BITE ME.

Mojo: He’s learning. You have to give him that.

Skelly: Reminds me of a robotic version of Karsh. What about you? (points to Funguy)

Funguy: Just leave me alone right now.

***

8:35 P.M.

Doc: (waking up) Ah man, knew those couple of sodas before bed were a bad idea. (he tips toes over the people lying in the hallway and heads toward the bathroom) Hmm, and the lights are off. What now? (he pauses to think for a few minutes.) Ah, to hell with it. (he flips the light switch on)

Karsh: ^%@!

Radius: What? Daytime already?

Nikki: Just a few minutes longer...

Zoah: CUT THE LIGHT OFF.

Zappa: If it idna’ one thing it’s another

Darggy: I wannt sleep.

Doc: Whoa! Sorry. Just be a minute. (He ducks around the various people, then taps on Greco) Yo’ big dude.

Greco: Que’?

Doc: What ever that means. Could you move for a minute. You're blocking the toilet.

Greco: Sorry. He scoots out of the way without getting out of his sleeping bag.

Doc: Thanks. (he uses the bathroom and leaves without turning the light off.)

Zappa; In’a anyone going at’ turn the blasted lights off?

Zoah: Why don’t you?

Zappa: Huh? Who said 'dat?

Zoah: Me……Zoah. It’s the helmet. I’m not wearing it.

Zappa: Alright then. Yer voice does sound a bit…

Karsh: Will you two shut up and let those of us that want to sleep do so?

Glenn: (sighs) I’ll get the lights. (he gets up walks over and turns out the lights. The room becomes pitch black)

Draggy: YIPE!

Karsh: What now?

Draggy: Somebody stepped on me.

Glenn: Sorry about that. I think this is my sleeping bag here.

Radius: (waking up) What? Who is that? What are you doing?

Glenn: Okay this isn't my sleeping bag.

Karsh: (sigh)

Zoah: Hehehehehehehe!

Zappa: An’ now Mr. Muscles is giggling like a school girl.

Kardsh: Sleep, people. Can we do that sometime tonight?

Draggy: Here. (breathes a steady but low powered flame that provides enough light for Glenn to reach his sleeping bag.)

Glenn: Thanks, umm, dragon.

Karsh: Shut up.

***

8:42 P.M.

Serge: YOWCH! Somebody just stepped on my hand!

Doc: Sorry dude. My bad.

Serge: S'alright. Just be more careful next time...

***

8:57 P.M.

Janice: Argh! How can anybody sleep with all that noise.

Kid: (waking up) What?

Janice: That noise. How can anyone sleep through that? (she points to Riddel. Kid turns to look and accidentally jabs Harle in the side waking her up.)

Harle: Iz dere something’ you wanted?

Kid: Nah. Sorry. Janice is jus’ complainin’ about snake lady over there.

Harle: Miki?

Kid: Nah…lady whuz her name, starts with an R. Dammit! We got too many people here!

Janice: Riddel. Her name is Riddel and her snoring is driving me batty.

Harle: It’z really not zat bad, non?

Janice: (holding out her ears.) Maybe for normal people’s hearing.

Harle: Excusez moi, I don’t not think of zat.

Kid: Why don't ya just go sleep somewhere else?

Janice: I think I will. But I really don’t want to. I’m kinda cozy now. All settled in for the night.

Kid: Then don’t bother us with yer yappin’.

Harle: (in a condescending voice) Yes …or she’ll kick ‘yer’….

Kid: Shaddup!!

***

9:17 P.M.

(Irenes wakes up feeling a tad dry and decides to go to the showers to sleep. Remarkably, she makes it without incident since her eyes can adjust to the dark easier than most people's.)

***

9:23 P.M.

Van: (shaking Norris) Mr. Norris? Hello? You awake?

Norris: ‘Am now. Whuz up?

Van: Well…ummm…now that... all the others are asleep…could you…Read-me-a-bed-time-story

Norris: Let’s try that again with the slow parts fast and the faster parts slow.

Van: I can’t sleep without a bedtime story. But don’t tell anyone this.

Norris: I don’t know any stories. Now can I go back to sleep?

Van: I guess. Any idea who would know some?

Norris: Don’t know. Ask one of the older guys.

Van: Thank you and remember, this never happened.

Norris: I’m hoping ALL of this is just some bad dream.

(Van leaves and shakes one of the people in the hallway.)

Guile: (springing instantly awake as if he was never asleep) How can I be of service, young lad?

Van: Do you know any stories?

Guile: Ah but of course…

***

9:32 P.M.

Skelly: We should be able to come up with SOMETHING to do…four fun loving guys like us (looks over at Grobyc) three fun loving guys like us anyway

Funguy: If you have an ideas I’d like to hear them.

***

9:35 P.M.

Pierre: (rolls over only to catch a face full of doggy fur) pethtew pet hair…yech.

Poshul: What ith wrong?

Pierre: Did you have to slumber by moi?

Poshul: Nobody else wanted to sleep so closeth to you

Pierre: (Looking around. Nobody else Is even within ten feet of him.) Hmmm...perhaps, but do you have to sleep so close to moi? I don’t wish to smell dog in mon sleep

Poshul: But it comfortable here.

Pierre: Then I shall make you move. (standing up and reaching for both his sword and his hat.) En guarde!

***

9:43 P.M.

Neofio: (whispering) Are you awake?

Korcha: No. Go away.

Neofio: I couldn’t sleep, bud. And I’ve been looking around for everyone. I can’t seem to find Van anywhere.

Korcha: I really don’t care. Bother Norris. He’s in charge here.

Neofio: (tapping Norris gently) Mr. Norris? I can’t find Van.

Norris: (mumbling) Go tell Serge. He’s the bozz.

***

9:45 P.M.

Van: (shaking Serge) Wake up. Come on.

Serge: (waking up) 'Wuz the prob?

Van: I can’t sleep without someone telling me a story.

Serge: Then get someone to tell you a story.

Van : I did. Guile. Now I REALLY can’t sleep…and I keep thinking things are going to come out of the dark and get me.

Serge: Okay, fine, you can stay here until you get ready to sleep.

Van: I guess that’s okay. Just don’t tell anyone.

***

9:46 P.M.

(Pierre and Poshul exit the building)

Funguy: What’s up?

Pierre: A matter of honor.

Skelly: Whatever…have fun

Grobyc: PIERRE. PUT YOUR PANTS ON.

***

9:48 P.M.

Neofio: (wakes Serge up) I was just looking…(sees Van) Never mind.

Serge: (to self) I hate this...

***

9:53 P.M.

(Pierre and Poshul walk back into he hallway)

Pierre: Oui, I am so disgraced.

Poshul: You know what we agreed on.

Pierre: Very well. I shall have to find another place in which to sleep. Stupide stupide dog.

Poshul: Heh heh...

***

9:57 P.M.

Pierre: (tries to squeeze in and lay down between Karsh and Glenn)

Karsh: What the %$$ are you doing?

Pierre: I needed a new place to…

Karsh: I’m sorry. I made the mistake of asking you a question. Let me rephrase. Get out of here. Now.

Pierre: But were am I supposed to sleep?

Karsh: Don’t know. Don’t care. Anywhere but here.

***

10:11 P.M.

Funguy: Well we could play cards. I think I have some here.

Skelly: That is so lame. Anything else?

Mojo: Dance till dawn!

Funguy: Um….no.

***

10:15 P.M.

(Leena gets up and sneaks by to get a drink of water. When she comes back there’s someone else in the bed she was sleeping in. So she snugs herself into bed with Harle and Kid.)

***

10:17 P.M.

Leena: (yelling) Serge get in here!

(Serge takes time to tell the others to go back to sleep and runs into the girls room. Leena is holding the bed sheets tightly to her chest. Harle and Kid are both yelling at someone.

Serge: (Sees Harle, Kid and Leena sleeping in the same bed. He is forced to slap himself in the face.) Okay not dreaming….(cough) What’s the problem?

Leena: THAT! (she points to Pierre who has crawled into bed next to Luccia and Riddell.)

Pierre: I jest wanted a place to sleep!

Serge: Get out of there Pierre.

Pierre: But where am I to sleep?

Serge: (sighs) Just find somewhere that DOESN’T have girls in there.

(Serge and Pierre leave the room)

Leena: Wait. What did he mean by ‘not dreaming?’

Kid: I think he mean three o’ us in the bed together…ya’ know (she winks)

Leena: WHAT!?! SERGE! GET IN HERE! (to Harle) Hand me my frying pan will you?

10:23 P.M.

***

(Serge walks out of the inn with several bruises and cuts. He looks around, nearly stumbling.)

Serge: Hey were did everybody go?

Grobyc: THEY’VE GONE SANDSQUIRT TIPPING. WHATEVER THAT MEANS

Serge: Okay fine whatever sure. I need a favor. I need my sleep okay? Anybody for whatever reason tries to wake me up….don’t let them. I don’t care what you do. Don’t let them wake me.

Grobyc: AFFIRMATIVE.

***

11:12 P.M.

Leah: (waking up) Time to wake. (shakes Marcy) Wake.

Marcy: I oughta’ kill you for that.

Leah: Sleep time done. We go now.

Marcy: You’re kidding me right? It’s not even midnight yet.

Leah: No need wasting time sleep. Have enough sleep.

Marcy: Listen. Right now I would slug you so hard that….well YOU wouldn’t understand what I was going to say anyway. But I’m still tired, so we’re going to go let Serge explain this to you.

***

11:23 P.M.

(after they look for Serge for a while)

Marcy: (shakes a nearby sleeping bag.) Hey you. Whoever you are, wake up.

Guile: (instantly snapping awake) Yes may I help you child?

Leah: We look for Serge. He not inside.

Guile: Then unless he’s completely vanished into thin air...

Marcy: Yes? Go on.

Guile: Have you tried outside yet?

Marcy: I should have thought of that.

Guile: Yes. You should have.

Marcy: are you calling me…never mind I’ll deal with you after her.

Guile: I welcome all who want to try.

(lean and Marcy walk outside)

***

6:00 P.M.

Serge: (waking up) morning Grob…..(looks around. Every member of his team EXCEPT Riddell and Grobyc are laying on the ground around him unconscious, each sporting some severe bruising) what happened?

Grobyc: I STOPPED THEM FOR WAKING YOU

Serge: (sigh) sometimes I wonder why I ever bother.

Zidane: yeah. I know what you mean

Serge: who are you?

Zidane: oops. Wrong group

THE END

Author's note: In order to keep track of al the characters here, I had to have an open copy of the strategy guide and make a separate list of who I had sleep in each room. Lot of people here. Hope you enjoyed the story. Further and less complex "in the INN"s can be found in the Chrono Trigger, Final fantasy 7, and Final fantasy 8 sections. Go ahead and review now. Please. And if you want more "in the Inns" let me know. (anyone that suggests a Final Fantasy Legend in the Inn can just give yourself a gut punch right now.)